My bowl o' cherries

Well, something eventful happened to me today, eventful enough i guess I’ll blog about it.

Earlier this week i seen a sort of ex. Nothing major. So, “friended” him on Facebook today, thinking nothing of it. The next thing I know, I’m getting IM’s from him. I am very ill equipped to deal with sad, desperate boys. Basically, he said he was going to come into my work and “give me flowers and a long mushy speech about how he’s missed me and how he’ll give me the life I deserve” . Take into account I haven’t seen this kid in like, 4 years! The “who” of this story is pretty irrelevant, it, to me, is more about appreciating what you have. My boyfriend has brought me flowers at work….for no reason. He’s not perfect, and honestly, sometimes I wonder what I’m even doing. But there is love there, and it’s stronger than any swoon-worthy speech about how im “the one” and so on and so forth from anyboy.

I did start to think, the wording of it “give me the life I deserve.” I took a moment of shelfishness and thought how nice that would be. It’s not the sort of thing people say to you a lot, sincerely or not. So it got me thinking, i might not have the life I deserve, few of us do, but everyday I strive for the life I WANT. That’s good enough for me.

Looking for a new job is exhausting. Making a resume’ is a pain in the ass. I’m going to blog instead.

I signed up for pinterest today, wonder what an epic failure that will be.

Last night, boyfriend and friends got shit hammered. Have you ever played “slab the bag”? Well, what it is, you take a box of wine, remove the bag, drink until you think you’re going to puke, then give it some spankin’s for being so brutal to your belly = ] I don’t remember going to bed. I’m kind of a binge drinker. It’s unfortunate, because, I’m also kind of perpetually broke. Weird.

I’m so happy to have my friends to blog with :-)

Fuck facebook! Lol

Been forever since I’ve blogged. I never have much alone time anymore, or a smartphone for updating-on-the-go.

So, let’s recap…

Me and the aforementioned “stretch” who I shall now refer to as Raymond…cuz,well…that’s his name, are a bonafide couple. After months of wondering and being a pussy and over analyzing, everything worked out for the best. I’m super stoked about that.

The ex has a new girlfriend and I am sooo happy about that, she is just crazy enough it is a match made in heaven…or the insane asylum, however you wanna look at it.

I’m still pretty unemployed. I am almost positive I got the job at Walmart, though.

Enough with that….

Tomorrow, yours truly gets to go to Chicago, for…get this….ICED EARTH!! I haven’t heard too much of them before Raymond, but they are just so motherfucking epic I don’t care if I’m late on the bandwagon. I’m probably going to piss myself at the awe inspiring vocals and just face melting shredding.

In other news, I am pleased to announce the immensity of the fuck I do not give about most things anymore. I’ve grown up a lot the past year, few months even…and am just forming new perspectives on things. Unfortunately, my view on people and society as a whole is dwindling faster than Obamas approval rate. I guess I’m in a decent mood today, I really don’t have anything to rant about….OH, Wait!!!…

…I went to Asian Buffet today with Raymond, his momma and brother. All was going well, until the barely English speaking twat went like, 20 minutes without getting me another diet coke. now, I’ve been a server before, so I get it…but, she was not busy, I haven’t been drinking as much pop lately, I just don’t have money for it right now…so when i have the opportunity, I want some motherfucking pop! and STAT! Thats about it. nothing exciting. Hopefully I’ll get some badass pics of the show tomorrow and post them here!

Peace douchers

1- I was already feeling kind of self-loathy from everyday events:being broke, being jobless, living at home….

When my much-complained-about stepdad starts bitching at me for this,that, and the third….

Says I don nothing but eat and sleep. That is not the best thing to say to your daughter who is trying not so successfully to recover from an ED….AND the home in which we akk live in is more mine than his. Ever seen a 40 year old man drink his life away and never lift a finger? I have.

Then my friend Ashley just takes FORREEEVVERRR to get ready to leave to go to the beach. I wanted to go so badly. I was so anxious I couldn’t drive…she said I scared her and she wanted to take the wheel. Once we got to the beach I realized I was having a fat day. Great. Luckily, I have had a huge change of attitude in the past year, I look for the positives in myself instead of focusing on the negatives. Big step for me, and it’s getting really hard living here at home.

After dropping Ashley off, my car gets a flat tire…in the middle of fucking nowhere, and my cell phone went DEAD!!! AGH! I must have laughed at one too many cripples this week or something because it has just not been good for me lately….so, I hitch a ride from some Middle aged, over tanned, red-convertible driving English woman who said I was “too cute” to walk home alone. This is very true, although I can’t say that in my recent mindset I haven’t been feeling very careless lately. I feel like, how much worse could it get?

I get home, mom is sleeping and dad is doing…idk, lazy asshole things…and everything just comes together in an un-harmonized cacophony (suppose that’s pretty redundant, but I think it sells my point a little more…) and I can’t go hang out with the guy I like…again. It’s weird not seeing each other for like, 3 days in a row. I suppose I could use the distance, he is leaving, after all.

Rant of the day/week/my whole existence : Selfishness.

When I say selfishness, I mean the ridiculous kind. Not the kind of selfishness that is “okay-ish” to everyone besides Catholic monks and the Amish.

What do I mean? I mean that I’m sitting here in an ancient broken down wooden chair hunched over a prehistoric desk plucking away at a laptop without a mouse and generating carpal tunnel syndrome this very second….because of my step dad’s ridiculous selfishness.

We have 3 computers in this house (which, even in a techie home, I think is a little much) He has both of the desktop models set up (with mice, if I may add) in the back room all fantastic and such…for fucking WEATHER. This is stupid for a few reasons. One, I live in MICHIGAN. Nobody knows what the fuck kind of weather we are going to have…ever…nobody. So it’s kind of silly to set up a goddam doppler radar just for the hell of it…but, I digress…

The selfishness comes in when I want to use one of 3 computers we own, and he bitches, like…WTF!?! DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN’T USE THEM ALL AT ONCE?!?!!? Then, when it is agreed upon that I use the laptop, I need a mouse. He bitches. He doesn’t have an extra one. Once again….DO YOU KNOW YOU CANT USE THEM ALL AT ONCE?!!?!?!

So, I go and start to download a free trial version of Adobe Photoshop (works wonders, btw, just not cs5, which is what one website offers and I immediately uninstall…has like, Windows paint capabilities.) Theeennn apparently he has all of the computers networked. He bitches because I’m “stealing his bandwidth” HOLY FUCK I’M GOING TO SCREAM. 

Fuck it. So, I go to the living room to reconvene my viewing of the glorious John Legend live On Demand TV, when my 12 year old sister comes down, and turns it to Everbody Hates Chris. Now, I like that show as much as the next dorky 20 year old, but the fact is is she kicked me out of her room so she could watch tv in there…WTF.

This may seem like the stupidest, teenage angsty-est , lamest rant ever…but, it’s my blog and I do what I want = ]

They’re stupidly selfish and, i don’t like it. Be selfish when it’s not dumb….like, Drive your freinds around just because they give you a ton of gas money and buy you food. Or go to someones house when they invite you over even if you don’t like them, and drink all their booze and leave.

GAWD.

It’s been a few months since I’ve blogged, but, of course I already knew that would happen…

Sometimes, I don’t like blogging sites, because I wanna “express my feelings” and such, but, most of the time, my feelings are pretty private and I don’t want anyone I know to know half the goings on in my personal/mental life.

For starters, moved out of my best friends house. I lost my job as an Appleslave and felt badly for not giving her family any money. I can tell she cares so much, I’ve heard from her 4 times-ish in the past month and a half…

…which meeeannas I’m back at good ol’ mom and dad’s again. Mom is neurotic to the extent she’ll get a dream about the tribulation or me on drugs she’ll wake up and have rearrange the living room at 5a.m. Dad is a different story. He is one of these “Christians” That…well….hate everybody, and we fight alot becuase, I don’t know if I missed the memo, but, like, I heard Jesus loved everyone…just sayin’. He makes derrogatory comments about Jews, Blacks, (he likes Mexicans, because they are hard workers, he says) really hates homos, democrats and, idk, like I said, everything,

Man situation remains the same, but minus the EX and add a smile to my face divided by his new girlfriend and multiply to the fake relashionship I’m in and we have…..nutter butters.

Stretch is great, but, moving apparently. It’ll be good for him. I am happy to report I honestly am not upset or bitter about it. I knew the arrangement going into it, it would just halp a whole lot if we didn’t see each other every freakin’ day almost and if I was smart enough to distance myself, but, I am not = ]

Tis’ all for now. Dad needs to check the computer for weather and Christian metal/hate propaganda on youtube.

Deuces!

ex’s bio- bipolar stage 1, controlling, mentally  abusive and just downright fucking insane! 
Ex called today basically proposing.. Ohhhhhh God. That’s exactly what I need. More crazy in my life. 
I have been “seeing” Stretch for a couple moths now, and have developed a strong appreciation for him buying me liquor and letting me stay the night. I wondered if he thought things were going anywhere….of course not. My first rejection in 5 years. Crazy. One I liked way to much. I must have gone soft for a second….never again, my friends, never again.
Follow up and complete the trifecta of Dbags with a guy from work, who told one of my girlfriends to tell me he’d do me. Me being curious, of course, texted him after my ego crusher. Helped a little, but all Appledouche said was ” you’re hott/sexy” and ” lets chill” it is April in Michigan, shawty, I’ve been chillin.

bottom line, tonight was certifiably(ex) dissapointing (stretch) andleft much to be desired ( appledipper)

Mushroomhead may not have the best discography of all time, but, they do have some pretty sic tunes and sicker live shows. I went to my first Mushroomhead concert tonight with the bestie. I ran into a friend of mine at the show, a “hood” friend ( The friend you say “wadupp mah nigga” too) and he never even heard of the band, just tagging along with his girl. By the end of the show, perched on a table on stage right, i see “mah nigga” crowdsurfing. I LOVE METAL.

The Venue photog asked to take my picture ( I wasn’t standing out or anything, just in really slutty clothes moshdancing on a table that wasn’t meant to be danced on) So, hopefully I’ll check out the website sometime this week and see myself all kindsa yucky and sweaty.

Vottom line, great night, could use a cuddle or two, but, thats not very metal, now, is it?

Just the thing I need to expand my social (real life, people) skills. Instead, I “stumbleupon” a sweet new blogging site. As if I don’t have an account for about 200 already. I’m going to try and actually make it past 4 posts on this one, though. I have a sweet palm pixi that should make mobile blogging a shit ton easier. Can’t wait to have the option of doing something in real life or signing on here and give my potential subscribers a good HAW HAW with my rant about….idk, whatever I’m ranting about that day. Anywhoo, buenos dias? and all that saluation stuff.

until the next time